Dear class my name is Liberal Propaganda. Today I am going to teach you a number of things you must know . . . OR ELSE.
First, that as a human species we are all going to become extinct. We are all going to destroy humanity and there is only one thing you can do to stop this DOOM. You will have to get rid of technology and become Amish. All technology pollutes. Repeat that after me .. .. ALL TECHNOLOGY POLLUTES. Going back to bicycles is ok, but going back to horse and buggy would be . . . even better!!!! Stop using plastic and even metal. Go back to using your own water wells and a wooden bucket. Stop using computers. They create information and electricity pollution. We will test you on all this latter. If you must use technology you must do it in a way that we feel is safe. As long as you just trust us and do this you will be ok.
The second thing you must learn . . . OR ELSE . . . is that life is the result of chaos. Everything is just an accident. You are an accident. You are a virus that pollutes the earth. But don’t worry. We, the big government, can give you purpose and fix all of your problems. So just do as we say and you will have meaning and purpose and will not destroy nature. Everything will be fine, just count on us or else you will be meaningless garbage. Got that??
The third thing you must learn is that big government is absolute perfect and can do no wrong. They transcend all difficulty. They will fix the problem of technology pollution. They will end global warming. They will bring peace on earth and end all wars. They will end all poverty. They will give you meaning. They will protect you from evil Bush. Oh yes they will end all your troubles. They will take all that money and give it all and will not hord it for themselves. They are perfect, because they are democrats. Repeate after me . . . ALL DEMOCRATS ARE PERFECT .. . ALL DEMOCRATS ARE INNOCENT . . . THEY CANNOT EXPERIENCE GREED OR EVIL. Got that???
The next thing that I, mr Liberal Propaganda, must teach you is that you can marry anything you want. You can even marry a box. We really don’t want you to think much of marriage or care who or what you marry. As for spanking, don’t worry about it. WE WILL TAKE CARE OF THAT.
Now here comes my favorite. You must learn that all rich men are greedy. Anyone that has money will be greedy. The greed threshhold is exactly 30,000 a year . . so if you have that you are greedy. Heck, just give us all your money and you woln’t have any more greed. We promise we will give exactly 100 dollars to each citizen and that will make everything work. Just think of all the pollution that will disappear!!!! Did you know that just having one dollar gives people a “greedy eye” once in a while? Repeat after me . .ALL MONEY CAUSES GREED. Just give it to us folks and your greed will be reduced. Everyone will be nicer . . just like magic!!!!! And you will have meaning and purpose. Oh and do not forget. … .DEMOCRATS NEVER GET GREEDY.
Next lesson. You have no creator. You must create yourselves. Let us, the government, be your god. Worship us. We are the ones who will save the planet from global warming. The more we control you the better off you will be. Just make sure you vote for us and give us all the money. Life is chaotic and meaningless . . .. so just follow us and we will give it meaning!!!
Ok class. Our last lesson for today is that all conservatives are POWERFUL EVIL MONSTERS. They are all less evolved, destroying the environment with their technology because they simply don’t know what we teach you here. They are all racists, greedy, anti-american, bigoted, and they want to make you all slaves. They are currently trying to figure out how to control your brains from outerspace. They even want to steal your brains. They worship Hitler and Bin Laden daily. You just never get to see it. They have money and are greedy. They want to destroy humanity with their light bulbs and their cars and even their computers and cell phones!! So stop supporting them. Vote for us and we will save you from their evil powers. Repeat after me. . .. ALL CONSERVATIVES ARE EVIL POWERFUL MONSTERS WITH NO REAL FAMILIES.
I hope yo have enjoyed our lessons today. My full name is Liberal Democrat Propaganda. See you next class!!!